If you wanted to be married like yesterday...

​The majority of this post was written a few months ago. I was working on a research paper for my honours degree at the time. The paper looked at Genesis 2:24 and how this reference to marriage also refers to Christ and the church based on Ephesians 5. This was a topic I chose and not something that was pre-assigned.  Yet mid-working on it, I had one of those “why am I writing a research paper about God’s intention for marriage?” moments. Not the type where I felt unqualified due to my lack of practical experience, but rather the type where I started crying over Genesis 3:16 - confronted with my own longing for marriage.

Then I wrote this post and Holy Spirit used it to minister to my heart.

​For some reason it never got posted. I didn’t forget about it, but it just didn’t feel like the time was right.

​During the last few weeks I intentionally made time to sit at Jesus’ feet to give Him my desires and plans for a future spouse in order to hear and walk according to His standard. I really hope this article will inspire you to do the same.
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Bits of my story

​So last year I went on a mission to Botswana (see Wild & Adventurous Part 1 and Part 2) and had the opportunity to share some of my testimony with ladies there. I actually didn’t go to Botswana thinking my testimony was in any way relevant to that culture. Yet I found myself in a scenario where I was asked about the significance of the ring on my right hand. This was right after one of the ladies expressed her longing to be married.

​In short; my testimony includes a guy breaking up with me; leaving me to grab hold of Jesus with everything I had. It changed my life. 

​So in that time I started wearing a ring symbolizing my relationship with Jesus. At first I wore it on my left hand, but then God asked whether I am going to replace His position in my life when my future husband comes along. So now I wear a ring on my right hand symbolizing an eternal relationship with my Lord and Saviour. This is a constant reminder that Jesus comes first. 
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"...then God asked whether I am going to replace His position in my life when my future husband comes along."

​The desperate desire
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Genesis 3:16 speaks of a desire a woman has for her husband. Marriage is God designed and desiring to get married is not wrong.  The problem with the desire in Genesis 3 is that it somehow manages to replace our desire for God. This is part of the curse of sin.

​All of a sudden women don’t run to God to find fulfilment, they run to men who’d never be able to give it to them. The word “run” is actually so descriptive. The Hebrew word for “desire” in Genesis 3:16 refers to “stretching out after” and is derived from the word “shûq,” which means to run after something or to overflow.

Ladies, we were never meant to be the ones running after men.
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How do you expect a man to lead you in a relationship if he has not led you into it?

God’s design for marriage

​While studying through the Ephesians 5 marriage code; what really stood out is how Jesus is so intertwined in the instructions given to both husbands and wives. They are not just to love, respect and submit to one another. They are to do these things “out of reverence to Christ” (5:21 NIV). The way a husband and wife treat each other should image the relationship between Christ and the church. That’s the standard God has for marriage.

"The way a husband and wife treat each other should image the relationship between Christ and the church."

​Only a man who knows and imitates Christ will be able to love you as Christ loves the church.  

Jesus at the centre

The moment anyone or anything replaces Jesus at the centre of your life; it becomes an idol. So if your world revolves around some guy; it’s time to resubmit that area to Christ. It’s time to make HIM first.
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God designed marriage so that He can be a part of it. This is all pretty clear from Genesis 2.

Desiring marriage

​I think it comes down to whether you desire marriage for the sake of marriage or whether you desire God’s standard for marriage. Honestly, I don’t want to be married simply for the sake of being married. There’s a peace that comes from realizing my desire is actually for Jesus to show up and introduce me to someone I can partner with in serving Him. 

"​I think it comes down to whether you desire marriage for the sake of marriage or whether you desire God’s standard for marriage." 

​This also reminds me that I’m not missing out somehow because I’m not married yet. God’s standard happens to work in God’s timing.

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