A little bit more than a year ago an elderly man approached me in a grocery store: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
I still don’t know how a random stranger could tell that I was single just by looking at me. What could possibly be the physical evidence for having a boyfriend?
I can’t remember whether or not I answered him, but I do remember asking myself that question on a regular basis during that time. I remember thinking: “I wish I knew.”
If you can identify with my grocery store moment in any way; if singleness is something you’ve prayed and moaned and cried about - this is probably for you. For the rest of you; please take caution when asking single people about their relationship status...
High school was probably some of the best and worst years of my life. It was during those 5 years I discovered I didn’t fit into the crowd (most of us don’t), leading to a very confusing search to find the true me. In between it all I tried to figure out how my childhood faith and relationship with Jesus would look like into adulthood.
Clearly, following Jesus called me to be different; so I took a year or two of not being too serious about Him - by grace I realized how unfulfilling that would be. It was in high school I chose to follow Jesus with everything – no matter what. Sadly, I also saw many walk away, choosing to follow the world instead.
If I could do it again – there are a few things I’d do different. While listing them today, I realized how applicable they still are. Perhaps this is true for you too.
If you’re like me and you read a bunch of Christian girl blogs you’ll know that many – MANY – of these blogs talk about modesty and like to focus on the do’s of don’ts of what to wear. Although I love a practical approach and some of their tips are really helpful, I would like to point out that this is not another one of those articles. Instead of telling you how long your skirt should be – I’d like to explain WHY.
If you read last week’s article; Does God think you’re beautiful? you’ll know that beauty is the essence of femininity and that women were created to be beautiful both inside and out. Perhaps beauty and modesty seems a little contradicting to you. Can you be called to resemble God’s beauty to the world and hide it at the same time? I happen to think this is such a major misconception of what modesty is.
So let’s talk about it.
In Christian circles we like reminding each other that beauty is not found in outward things like hairstyles and jewelry, but in having a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:3-4).
Another popular verse is Proverbs 31:30 which describe beauty as vain, suggesting a woman should rather fear the Lord.
Let me be clear; I’m not about to disagree with Scripture – true beauty is found in our hearts.
I am, however, going to be honest with you. The way these Scriptures have been emphasized; has left me feeling guilty. It has filled me with shame for having a desire to be physically beautiful. I happen to think God gave us these Scriptures to encourage and free us and not to fill us with guilt and shame.
So what is His idea of beauty?
So you know that little verse in Genesis where God says it is “not good” for Adam to be alone? I happen to think He says the same thing about us today. Surprisingly, this article is not about marriage. It’s also not about why God decided to create women. I’m just putting it out there in case you’d like to stop reading now.
This article is about surrounding yourself with a Godly community. God designed us to function within family and church. He never meant for us to be alone.
Over the last few years God has showed me the value of surrounding myself with Godly people who encourage, uplift and support me. In the last week or so I’ve been reminded of the importance of having such a community. Here are three valuable things I’ve learnt:
About the blog
Queen in Gold is a blog for the feminine heart. I hope to inspire other women to stand up in their God-given identity.
My name is Riani.
I love flowers, board games, arty markets, food, dancing, music and spring....