A modern-day Ruth would make the first move, right?

​You’re either reading this because you’re convinced a woman should NOT make the first move and you’re hoping I’ll add some substance to your beliefs, or you want to invite some guy for coffee and you’re hoping I’m going to give you permission. 

Honestly, I’m old-fashioned; I like the idea of the guy making the first move. 

I started pondering this concept, trying to figure out if there’s even any biblical support for it and I happen to believe there is. BUT there’s also Ruth and her successful first-move-making story.

For a full biblical perspective, I think it will be best if we start there.
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The story of Ruth

​The book of Ruth is a beautiful love story and a mere 4 chapters long. It won’t take you that long to read, but here’s a recap anyway:
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Ruth, a young Moabite widow, finds herself in Israel after marrying into a Jewish family. As a poor, foreign girl she needs to go out and look for food for herself and her elderly mother-in-law.

Like a movie plot, Ruth ends up picking up leftover grain in a field belonging to Boaz, a far-off family member of her late husband. Boaz was one of Ruth’s guardian redeemers. 
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“A what?” you might say. 

According to the Jewish customs of that time, if a man died leaving his widow childless; one of his family members was obligated to marry her to give her the children her husband never did. 

We see something of Boaz’s character; he was caring and protective towards Ruth. We also know Boaz admires Ruth for leaving her homeland to care for her mother-in-law. There is, however, not much talk about Boaz’s redeeming obligation towards Ruth until...

Her mother-in-law decides to intervene. 
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She lets Ruth take a bath, put on perfume, and get dressed in her best clothes. Then she instructs her to go to the threshing floor at night, where Boaz would lay down after he had eaten and drank enough to be in “good spirits” (Ruth 3:7). 

Ruth was to go lie down at his feet!
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​Let’s be honest. This was a bit more scandalous than your subtle Christian-girl kind of move. 
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When Boaz awoke in the middle of the night, startled by the girl in his bed, Ruth innocently reminded him of his responsibility as guardian-redeemer of their family. He was a man of good character, so we don’t read about any funny business happening that night. 
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But he was a man, who woke up to a pretty girl at his feet. So the next day Boaz got his ducks in a row and arranged to marry Ruth.
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​In terms of first move making; Ruth pretty much nailed it. And the whole story is written in the Bible!
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Context and application

Context is an important word when it comes to interpreting Scripture. The Bible was written in a different day and age from the one we live in. It was also written about and for specific people. This certainly doesn’t mean it can’t be applied to our lives, but all these things should be taken into account before drawing any conclusions.
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Let’s look at a few specifics in the Ruth story:
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Responsibility

​Boaz had a responsibility towards her. Yes, there was also another, closer relative (Ruth 3:12), but this doesn’t mean Boaz was completely off the hook. 
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This is a really important aspect of the story we shouldn’t overlook before drawing conclusions. In modern-day culture, this is a very unlikely scenario. 
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​​Unless you are already married to the man, his only real “responsibility” would be to protect and honor you. To protect your heart, a mature man might deliberately not give you an indication of his interest until he’s certain about where things are going.
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Wise counsel

Ruth received counsel in her actions from her mother-in-law. It wasn’t even her own idea. 
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Most of my attempts at drawing a guy’s attention in my single years were very much my own idea and often something I was a little bit embarrassed to admit to the wise counselors in my life. 
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“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” – Proverbs 11:14

​Nothing about love

We don’t read anything about Ruth actually being “in love” with Boaz. Boaz actually commends her for turning to him and not running off with a younger man. This doesn’t mean Ruth wasn’t in love with Boaz, or that they didn’t grow to love one another eventually (I like to believe they did). 

The point is; Ruth wasn’t in it for her own gain. She chose to leave behind her family and foreign gods to follow the God of Israel. She chose to be unselfish in caring for her mother-in-law. She chose to make herself vulnerable to continue the family line of her late husband. 
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The reason I’m pointing this out is to challenge whether you’ve considered your own intentions and especially whether you’ve considered how you can honor God in your approach towards romance.
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Character and time

By the time Ruth made her move, both she and Boaz had a pretty good idea of the character of the other. She worked in his field and witnessed his good heart towards her and her mother-in-law. He also noticed her caring heart and unselfishness (Ruth 3:11).
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In this time Boaz could have easily initiated a first move. We have no idea why he didn’t. Did he not see her in “that” way? Was he afraid or shy? Was he just way too relaxed or busy figuring out his intentions? Was he waiting for the other relative?  

You might find yourself in a similar situation; for some unknown reason the guy you like just doesn’t seem to do anything.   

​I believe that if a man is certain about a girl; he’ll do something about it. Yet, my only substance for this belief is the way I’ve seen it play out in my own and my friend’s lives. 
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​But undeniably, the story of Ruth reveals that SOMETIMES guys just need a little nudge... 
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Only once

That night on the threshing floor was Ruth’s first and only “move.”

She didn’t nag him continually until he eventually agreed to marry her. She didn’t behave desperate, compromising her own worth, over and over again. She took ONE seriously bold step, but after that Boaz took charge.
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In the post “If you wanted to be married like yesterday” I asked the following question:

“How do you expect a man to lead you in a relationship if he has not led you into it?”

​​Scripture is clear about the husband being the head of the house (1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1). If a man doesn’t demonstrate leadership in and into a relationship, why would we have any hope that he would do so in marriage? 
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You are worthy

When I was still single I remember desiring a man who would put up a fight for me; someone who would actually put in the effort to pursue me. Yet, my own insecurities often lead me to believe this was unrealistic; that I wasn’t worthy of that sort of affection. So I compromised.

I messaged first and invited guys for coffee. I initiated “defining the relationship” conversations. I hang around continuing friendships with guys who clearly weren’t making me a priority. 
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Let’s not forget that Christ pursued us first. Even when we were still blind to Him, He came and laid down His life for us (Romans 5:8). The Creator of the universe happens to think you’re worth it. Wait for the guy who recognizes that worth!
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What would the modern-day Ruth do?

• She’d seek God first. Before any move-making occurred, Ruth started following the God of Israel.
• She won’t be too hasty in showing her interest. She’d give herself time to get to know his character.
• She’d surround herself with wise counsel.
• She won’t be obsessed with finding love, but be unselfish in caring for those around her.
• She’d put herself out there. She’d go to the social, or dress up for the blind date. She might even download Tinder or ask the cute guy at church how his week was. 
• ​She’ll know she’s worthy of the man who will pursue and lead her. Even if he might need a little nudge to start things off. 

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