Queen in Gold
A little bit more than a year ago an elderly man approached me in a grocery store: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
I still don’t know how a random stranger could tell that I was single just by looking at me. What could possibly be the physical evidence for having a boyfriend?
I can’t remember whether or not I answered him, but I do remember asking myself that question on a regular basis during that time. I remember thinking: “I wish I knew.”
If you can identify with my grocery store moment in any way; if singleness is something you’ve prayed and moaned and cried about - this is probably for you. For the rest of you; please take caution when asking single people about their relationship status...
It starts with trusting God
“He has made everything beautiful in its time...” – Ecclesiastes 3:11
God is the author of romance. Not only does He long to romance us; He actually also desires for us to bear this image by romancing each other. He created both Adam AND Eve and then HE brought them together (Genesis 2:7-22).
I’ll admit it. I run off. I try to figure things out on my own. That’s exactly what we do when we try to establish “why” we’re still single – you know: you’re too skinny or too fat; you don’t socialize enough; you only interact with guys on a friendship basis; you don’t have any guy friends; you’re too shy; you’re too outgoing; you don’t wear any make-up; or you wear to much... you need to change!
If God is in control of your life – there must be a reason you’re still single. That was the very thought which lead me to write this article.
1. You’re still single to grow in intimacy with God
Many of us view singleness as a season of “waiting” to get married. We think of it as something that should pass; or something that should’ve passed yesterday.
I recently heard someone say that before God introduced Adam and Eve; He most likely shared a moment alone with His daughter. The Scripture doesn’t say much about what happened (Genesis 2:11), but we do know that God was the first One to lay eyes on her. At the same time He was also the First One she ever laid eyes on. He always intended Himself to be our First Love.
2. You’re still single to grow as a person
Perhaps there are areas of your life that still needs healing. Perhaps God is using your current season to prepare you for the next. Some of you still need to finish school or get a job or gain some life experience. Whatever areas of life you’re growing in, God will use it to make you a better representative of His Kingdom; and yes; also to make you a better spouse someday.
3. You’re still single because God wants to use you
You don’t need a husband to complete you. You are made complete in Christ. You are given a unique calling and an opportunity to start living according to it.
(4.You’re still single because He’s still working on your man)
This might be true, but I don’t think God, who created the universe, would be like:"Great! ____________ (your name) is ready to get married. Oh wait... I forgot to prepare her husband.”
I happen to think that if He’s still working on your future husband – He’s probably still working on you too.
My friends, there is a reason God didn’t create Adam and Eve together. There is a reason they were created separately and brought together by their Father. Let us trust His timing and His process.
Even if you never marry
There are women who only get married by the time they are 40 and then there are women who never marry. I’m not trying to scare you, I’m simply asking you to assess your own heart. How much do you trust God and that He is a good Father?
I’d like to leave you with this quote by Elisabeth Elliot:
“Having now spent more than forty-one years single, I have learned that it is indeed a gift. Not one I would choose. Not one many women would choose. But we do not choose our gifts, remember? We are given them by a divine Giver who knows the end from the beginning, and wants above all else to give us the gift of Himself.”
Ask God to help you embrace this gift of singleness: seek Him in intimacy; grow as an individual and be a light to the broken world.
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About the blog
Queen in Gold is a blog for the feminine heart. I hope to inspire other women to stand up in their God-given identity.
My name is Riani.
I love flowers, board games, arty markets, food, dancing, music and spring....