What I learnt from 6 years of singleness

Here’s a little reflection of what singleness has taught me.

I’d never regret my last six years of singleness, instead I grant it as extremely precious.

​Here’s why...

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My story

After a high school breakup I thought I’d never recover from, God drew me into a deeper intimacy with Him. This changed everything.

​For the first time I felt satisfied by His love and I didn’t need approval or affection from guys. For three years I intentionally didn’t date as an act of obedience. I wasn’t ready. I took time to heal and to seek the face of my First Love. 

​I assumed that after the three years; He would send me a husband. I especially thought this, because I always dreamed of marrying young and I was (still am) of meaning that this is a very Godly dream.

​But then He didn’t and three years became four and four became five and all of a sudden I wasn’t so sure if I’d still be able to “marry young” even if I met my husband right then.  
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 "In the last few years I needed to trust that my worth was His truth, even if He was the only One who seemed to notice it. "  

What made the latter three years more difficult was that I didn’t withdraw from the dating scene. I met guys. I went on dates. I got my hopes up. I took a few punches to the heart and spent a few nights crying on my bedroom floor.

​In the first three years Jesus lead me to find my identity in Him. He showed me my true worth. In the last few years I needed to trust that my worth was His truth, even if He was the only One who seemed to notice it.   

​Honestly, I don’t always enjoy singleness. I don’t enjoy arriving alone and getting my own bill. I don’t enjoy opening my own doors; killing my own spiders and driving myself (I really don’t like driving).
I do enjoy my time with Jesus.

I enjoy being challenged to trust Him. Singleness isn’t always easy or fun, but God uses it to work in my heart. He's shown me more of Himself and taught me what it means to truly love. 

"Singleness wasn’t always easy or fun, but it was always good for me. "

5 Advantages of being single:

1. More one on one time with God
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I started having “date-nights” with Jesus; I spent hours worshiping at the piano; I went on shopping sprees with Him and took walks and drives where He was the navigator. Although these are all things I hope to continue doing for the rest of my life; I will forever treasure those times when it was just me and Him.

​He introduced Himself to me as my First Love. There where He had my undivided attention – He laid the foundation for an eternal intimate relationship.         
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"In my single years – God laid the foundation for an eternal intimate relationship. "

2. Working on yourself (instead of a relationship)

​Throughout our lives, we will continually grow to be more like Christ. A relationship is a great place to highlight areas you need to grow in, but often at the cost of the other person.

Imagine being able to become the type of person you’d like to be married to before even meeting that person. Imagine practicing selflessness towards your family, friends and random strangers, before having to be selfless towards your spouse. Imagine being spiritually mature and ready for marriage, before even meeting the person you’ll marry.

Singleness is a great time to start becoming the person God intended you to be.

"A guy will never restore your identity or be able to heal your wounds. Only Jesus can do this."

3. Time for healing

Perhaps you were previously in a destructive relationship or you still need to deal with hurt from some other area of life? It’s so much better going into a relationship whole, rather than letting your hurt affect a new relationship. In my article Christian dating 101, I write about how two halves don’t make a whole. A guy will never restore your identity or be able to heal your wounds. Only Jesus can do this. Why not take time and let Him nurture your heart back to life?
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4. Time

​I can already hear some of my single friends sighing at this one, but hear me out! This is a fact: When you are single you have more time for ministry, serving, friends, family, work, school, studies and yourself!
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There have been seasons I was heavily involved in ministry, to an extent that I never would’ve been able to have a relationship in that time. God chose to use me in ministry during my single years, because He knew I had time as a resource. I had something to give and I gained so much by giving. 
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​5. Endless possibilities

You’re future husband is still out there! You still get to meet him, get to know him and fall in love. You still get to dream about who he is and what type of story you’d tell your children one day.

I want to challenge you to sit with God. Let Him be the One who forms your dreams about your future husband and then trust Him with it. You never know; you might just meet him tomorrow? Perhaps you’re already friends? The possibilities are endless!  

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