An open letter to the girl in a toxic relationship

​I hope that you'll really understand my heart with what I’m about to say. This morning I was reminded that we are to walk humbly with God (Micah 6:8). I was reminded that I’m not better, smarter or holier than you. What I am about to share is simply because of grace. For some unfathomable reason God chose me to walk with Him. Today I would like to remind you that He chose you too.

You might not consider your relationship with this guy toxic. I’m going to take a wild guess and say he might even treat you better than some of the previous relationships you’ve had. In some ways you might even think this relationship is good for you. And that is exactly why I would like to remind you who you truly are; beloved of the Almighty God (Song of Songs 6:3). Compromising your purity, dignity and self-worth is not His plan for you.
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He knows your inner being and deepest desires and He longs to give you the fulfillment no man can. 

​Seeking fulfillment

​A few weeks ago I wrote an article called “Being single and being content.” In it I address one of the curses Eve received after the Fall; being an illegitimate longing for her husband (Genesis 3:16). That’s where it started – this crazy idea that Adam will be able to fulfill you. Oh and how he’s failed you over and over again; one after the other. 

"​Sin causes us to turn to a sinful Adam instead of a loving God."

You see, instead of meeting your needs Adam becomes your ruler (Genesis 3:16). In his own sinfulness he’s blind to your worth and treats you accordingly. And when this man on whom you’ve placed all your longings and desires, utters your worthlessness; you believe him.
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Sin causes us to turn to a sinful Adam instead of a loving God. Daughter, I wish you’d see your Father’s not calling you to burden you with religion, He’s calling to speak His truth and meet your deepest needs. 

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His standard

I remember being in high school and craving acceptance from boys. Since then, God has led me to experience relationship with Jesus; setting a new standard. I’ve learnt that even though Eve was cursed with an illegitimate desire, desiring marriage is not wrong. Even before the existence of sin, God designed marriage as a metaphor for His relationship with us (Ephesians 5:31-32). Ultimately the relationship between man and woman ought to resemble Jesus’ relationship with His Bride.

​The reason I’m saying this is not to condemn your current situation, but rather to reveal the beautiful plan God has for your future marriage. God desires to be made known in and through earthly romance. That, my friend, is the standard. It’s something we cannot cease striving towards. 

"Ultimately the relationship between man and woman ought to resemble Jesus’ relationship with His Bride."

You’re not cheap

In the article “Modest or beautiful?” I spoke about how our bodies belong to Christ, because He paid for us with His own (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).  
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You are not cheap - you were bought at a price.

One of the major lies girls buy into is that they need to compromise their purity in order to receive love and acceptance from a man. Ironically, God has given you the gift of purity to give your husband, because of the commitment to love and accept one another in marriage.  Marriage is the only safe space to live out your sexuality. God designed it this way because of the vulnerability thereof. A sexual relationship outside of marriage opens the door to uncertainties about whether you’ll ever be “good enough” for your boyfriend. 

"He’s actually asking you to remain pure in order to experience the brilliance of the plan He has for you." 

If you’re currently in a relationship where you’re compromising your purity in any way, I pray that God will reveal His heart about sexuality to you. He’s not asking you to remain pure to punish you. He’s actually asking you to remain pure in order to experience the brilliance of the plan He has for you. God’s idea of sex is not outdated; He actually has a much higher standard than the modern-day culture.
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Also read the article “The truth about SEX (Every unmarried Christian should know).”

Only God can heal

Whether you’ve been hurt in a toxic relationship or you feel unclean because of past sin – Jesus already dealt with that on the cross (John 19:28-30). And if you can think all the way back to lies the enemy told when you were only a little girl – Jesus dealt with that too.

If you haven’t heard it before; this is His invite for you to accept His forgiveness, grace and Divine healing.

Allow Him to speak His truth, His Word, over you. Allow Him to show you who Love is and what it’s supposed to look like.
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Open your heart to more. There’s always-always-always more of Him.

​Share this with your friends!

​You might also like:

Christian dating 101

Why you should believe in fairy-tales

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