Being single and being content

​Most of you probably know at least one person who met their spouse at about the same time they stopped looking for someone and started enjoying their singleness. If you are single you’ll usually get reminded of these love stories right after expressing your frustration with still being on your own. 

​​As true as their stories might be, it simply doesn’t work like that for all of us. Learning to be content is usually one of God’s purposes for singleness, but being content is not a box you can tick in order to get married. Marriage is not a prize you get for being “content enough” on your own.
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Learning to be content is an important part of life and not just singleness. We learn to find contentment in Christ throughout our lives and for many of us; this journey starts with being single.

​What does "content" mean anyway?

One of the many definitions in the Cambridge Dictionary defines “content” as “accepting something as satisfactory, although it could be better.” From a Christian perspective contentment is not merely “accepting” your situation, but finding satisfaction in Christ, in spite of your situation.
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This seems to align with the Biblical use of the word:

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 1 Corinthians 12:1

 “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation...”
​– Philippians 4:11-12

“For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.” – 1 Timothy 6:7-8

The longing

​Being content in your singleness does not mean denying your desire to get married. I happen to believe that on the journey toward contentment it is necessary to admit your desires to God (Philippians 4:6).

"But more than that – He created them for a relationship with Himself."

We are created with a desire for intimacy. We are created to love and to be loved in return. God Himself said it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). He created Adam and Eve for a relationship with one another. But more than that – He created them for a relationship with Himself.
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This is usually where many of us seem to miss the point...

Your (future) husband will never be enough

As Godly and wonderful as your future husband might be – there will always be a gap in your heart only God can fill.

After the Fall, Eve was cursed with an illegitimate desire for her husband (Genesis 3:16). This desire goes beyond God’s intention for husband and wife. It causes Eve to look to Adam to meet her need for intimacy – a need placed in her heart by and for God.

Being content is not having all your longings met

​​In her book, Lies Women Believe, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth goes as far as to say we will always have unfulfilled longings on this side of heaven. Our longings ought to be directed to God and fuel our desire for more of Him. We find contentment in hope and not always in the realization of our desires (Romans 8:18-24). 

"As Godly and wonderful as your future husband might be – there will always be a gap in your heart only God can fill."

So what does it have to do with being single?

​Singleness is an opportunity to start growing in contentment. You are in the privileged position to learn to direct your desires towards God and not illegitimately bestow them upon a man. 

"It simply means desiring God more than marriage."

This doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to desire marriage or make that desires known to God. It simply means desiring God more than marriage. 
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It means spending time with Him instead of day dreaming about who your husband might be. It’s seeking His will for this season instead of comparing it with what you see on social media. It’s not lowering your standards because you’re desperate for a relationship. It’s choosing to believe He’s in control and that His timing is perfect (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

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You might also like:

3 Reasons you're still single

The truth about sex (every unmarried Christian should know)

What I've learnt from 6 years of singleness

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