Over-defined messy situations and recipes you shouldn't use in dating

Our Story (Part 2)

​I said goodbye in Part 1 right after telling you how I friend-zoned Charl and then cried because I knew we couldn't be friends.

Honestly, I think Part 1 is the juiciest part of our story, where Part 2 is just one big messy situation. But considering that I can't just leave you hanging there, I might as well go ahead and share the rest.
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The message

Charl couldn't sleep that night. He ended up sending me a really long message at 4 am.
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I've been sitting here now battling to describe it in words, without actually just going ahead, typing it out, and giving you all the corny details. Then this Scripture came to mind: 
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 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." – Proverbs 31:30 

Charl didn't try to convince me to give him another chance.

He didn't ask me what was wrong with him.
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He made it fairly obvious that he liked me, but what impacted me most was the way he honored me and my decision. 

He was sincere. He didn't tell me I have a nice smile or anything like that, but spoke of my value in Christ. He said I deserve the best and encouraged me to wait on God's timing. 
 
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After reading it the next morning I got back in bed and cried.
Then I went for a run and cried some more. 
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God's best and your value in Christ

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." – Proverbs 31:30

​Here's a note to the single God-fearing woman. 

The fact that you serve Jesus is the most attractive thing about you.
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The "Proverbs 31 woman" as we all know and compare ourselves to her, was actually a letter from a mother to her son. She uses poetic language to describe an ideal woman, in order to help him find a suitable wife.

In your quest to find a suitable husband you have a choice to settle for the nice guy who thinks you're beautiful, or you can wait for the man who knows that the most important quality in his future wife is whether or not she serves the Lord. 

​When Charl said I deserve the best, he was referring to a man that would see me as Christ does and treat me as such (Ephesians 5:25-30). That's what hit me the hardest that day.
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You, my friend, are also worthy of that. Wait for it. God's timing is perfect.
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Messy bits

​Back to the story...

I was even more confused than before.

Just to refresh your memory:
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 I was still pretty excited to meet the other guy I was talking to.

And here was Charl, being all vulnerable and seeing my worth in Christ.

​We sent a few messages to and fro. Then I told him we should probably go for a walk to talk it through. We went for the walk but ended up making everything way more complicated than it ought to be.
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I told him that I still had a coffee date planned with the other guy, but also agreed that we could continue getting to know one another.
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The un-friend-zone

The scariest part about this stage of our friendship was how un-made-up my mind was. And in the midst of this, I gave him hope that something more could come from our friendship. The possibility of me having to re-friend-zone Charl was real.
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I also informed him about the other guy, so that created a little bit of a competition. (I did warn you it was messy!)

My prayer at this stage was basically something like: 

"Lord, am I doing the right thing? I really don't want to hurt this guy. Or either of them for that matter" 

I could try and sound all spiritual now and tell you how I then felt God's peace in my decision. But that would be a lie. It was more like I didn't have peace with not continuing my friendship with Charl. 
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​But putting someone else's heart on the line; based on whether or not you experience peace, is dangerous business.
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I sought some wisdom from my mother, who was pretty much just thankful I could put aside some of my initial preconceived ideas and give Charl another chance.
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Recipes for dating

This was not the first time in my dating history I prayed and sought wisdom. And if you're still out there; in the dating world; that would be my prayer for you too.

 I'm not going to pretend like I always said and did things right. I definitely did hurt some guys along the way.

In the previous blog post, I spoke about being honest with the guys I was speaking to. Honesty is important, yes, but honesty should always be partnered with love (Romans 12:9-10; 1 Corinthians 13:6). Sometimes it's better not to tell the guy you're not interested in why you're not interested. But sometimes it's better to tell someone that you're not interested, rather than just avoiding them. 
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That's just my opinion. I'm no expert...
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Coffee dates and phone calls

A week later I finally met up with the other guy for coffee.

He was nice and serious about his faith. If the love triangle wasn't so complicated, I probably wouldn't have minded a second date.

But when I got home that evening, Charl and I spoke over the phone for an hour or more. In light of protecting his heart, it might not have been the most responsible thing to do. But in light of making me realize I didn't want to say goodbye, it was a pretty good idea.
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The next day I decided to exclusively get to know Charl.   

​Why am I sharing all this with you? Because of God's grace.

In spite of all the mistakes and messiness, something beautiful was created. Charl and I are married now (three months and counting). We still make mistakes and sometimes situations get messy, but God's grace empowers us (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). It's because of Him we can have grace for each other and we can grow to love one another as Christ does (Colossians 3:12-14).

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