If you wanted to be married like yesterday...

Queen in Gold

If you wanted to be married like yesterday...

3/13/2020

The majority of this post was written a few months ago. I was working on a research paper for my honours degree at the time. The paper looked at Genesis 2:24 and how this reference to marriage also refers to Christ and the church based on Ephesians 5. This was a topic I chose and not something that was pre-assigned. Yet mid-working on it, I had one of those “why am I writing a research paper about God’s intention for marriage?” moments. Not the type where I felt unqualified due to my lack of practical experience, but rather the type where I started crying over Genesis 3:16 - confronted with my own longing for marriage.

Then I wrote this post and Holy Spirit used it to minister to my heart.

For some reason it never got posted. I didn’t forget about it, but it just didn’t feel like the time was right.

During the last few weeks I intentionally made time to sit at Jesus’ feet to give Him my desires and plans for a future spouse in order to hear and walk according to His standard. I really hope this article will inspire you to do the same.

Bits of my story

So last year I went on a mission to Botswana (see Wild & Adventurous Part 1 and Part 2) and had the opportunity to share some of my testimony with ladies there. I actually didn’t go to Botswana thinking my testimony was in any way relevant to that culture. Yet I found myself in a scenario where I was asked about the significance of the ring on my right hand. This was right after one of the ladies expressed her longing to be married.

In short; my testimony includes a guy breaking up with me; leaving me to grab hold of Jesus with everything I had. It changed my life.

So in that time I started wearing a ring symbolizing my relationship with Jesus. At first I wore it on my left hand, but then God asked whether I am going to replace His position in my life when my future husband comes along. So now I wear a ring on my right hand symbolizing an eternal relationship with my Lord and Saviour. This is a constant reminder that Jesus comes first.

"...then God asked whether I am going to replace His position in my life when my future husband comes along."

The desperate desire

Genesis 3:16 speaks of a desire a woman has for her husband. Marriage is God designed and desiring to get married is not wrong. The problem with the desire in Genesis 3 is that it somehow manages to replace our desire for God. This is part of the curse of sin.

All of a sudden women don’t run to God to find fulfilment, they run to men who’d never be able to give it to them. The word “run” is actually so descriptive. The Hebrew word for “desire” in Genesis 3:16 refers to “stretching out after” and is derived from the word “shûq,” which means to run after something or to overflow.

Ladies, we were never meant to be the ones running after men.

How do you expect a man to lead you in a relationship if he has not led you into it?

God’s design for marriage

While studying through the Ephesians 5 marriage code; what really stood out is how Jesus is so intertwined in the instructions given to both husbands and wives. They are not just to love, respect and submit to one another. They are to do these things “out of reverence to Christ” (5:21 NIV). The way a husband and wife treat each other should image the relationship between Christ and the church. That’s the standard God has for marriage.

"The way a husband and wife treat each other should image the relationship between Christ and the church."

Only a man who knows and imitates Christ will be able to love you as Christ loves the church.

Jesus at the centre

The moment anyone or anything replaces Jesus at the centre of your life; it becomes an idol. So if your world revolves around some guy; it’s time to resubmit that area to Christ. It’s time to make HIM first.

God designed marriage so that He can be a part of it. This is all pretty clear from Genesis 2.

Desiring marriage

I think it comes down to whether you desire marriage for the sake of marriage or whether you desire God’s standard for marriage. Honestly, I don’t want to be married simply for the sake of being married. There’s a peace that comes from realizing my desire is actually for Jesus to show up and introduce me to someone I can partner with in serving Him.

"I think it comes down to whether you desire marriage for the sake of marriage or whether you desire God’s standard for marriage."

This also reminds me that I’m not missing out somehow because I’m not married yet. God’s standard happens to work in God’s timing.

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Tristán Kapp link

3/16/2020 11:40:41 am

This post was extremely interesting to read, however, I do have some critique on your hermeneutic. Genesis 3:16 and Genesis 3 is a very dark poetical narrative text in the Hebrew Bible. However, it's just that. Poetic narrative. The text's theme has nothing to do with marriage.

Firstly, the modern translations may translate the Hebrew אִישֵׁךְ֙ into "husband" and אִשְׁתֶּךָ֒ as "wife", however the problem is that they were never married, as dictated by Levirate law or the way we understand it today (which are -contextually- two different things). You say that the woman was not made to chase the man, yet Genesis' narratology indicates that the woman shall be ruled over by the man. There is an overwhelming cultural-anthropological influence in the text which results in its strong male ideological hegemony...

Also Ephesians 5, the entire context Paul starts with a thematic approach of, simply put, good deeds vs. bad deeds "for the sake of Christ". In the original text, you may translate the word ἄνδρες as man/husband, but the texts is mainly used in masculine singular case, as referring to "a man", the other word is ανθρώπος, which is also used as "man/mankind", but in the general sense.

And again, the word γυναῖκας is used for wife, whereas the context does lend itself to a matrimonial theme, but more how men should treat women. However, there are much more prescriptions for women than for men. Again, a patriarchal narrative that applies to women in 'service' (for lack of a better term) to men. You cannot apply this model in modernity where relational equality, per se prevails.

In conclusion, there are very little ethics for marriage in the Christian Bible, Jesus mentions it only briefly in the Gospels, when talking about "divorce" (which, again, wasn't divorce as we understand it today.) and then the author of the text in Matthew/Mark, if I'm not mistaken - quotes from Genesis to continue the Hebrew scriptural tradtition which would suit the audience [the Gospel-text] was written to.

Marriage is a social construct, and there are various theories on why we marry and none of them is "desire", some anthropologists suspect that it's to procreate, however marriage is biologically, sociologically and anthropologically unnecessary if procreation was the only ideal.

Marriage has its roots in Patriarchy, especially in the Biblical tradition. It was a way of securing ownership of property (of which women and slaves were considered synonymous) and currency, as well as furthering the male bloodline name. It's like Rick Sanchez from "Rick 'n Morty" would say, "that's just slavery with extra steps".

So the Biblical model for marriage is not practical & irrelevant, for 21st-century modernity (historically speaking)... You cannot separate the Bible from its historical socio-cultural & economic context, and its context is incompatible with modernity.

P.S. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup, I know how devastating such a thing is. Glad you emerged strong - I trust you will get the spouse you are looking for. It's not God's choice, it's yours. Own your autonomy!🤘🏼

Riani

3/19/2020 12:00:55 pm

Hi Tristan.

You are welcome to comment, stating your thoughts and interpretations of the above mentioned Scriptures. Please just take note that the purpose of this blog is not to be a platform for theological debates. It's a place where I share personal revelation to inspire woman to walk in their God-given authority. I write this blog to stir up faith.

Although I don't agree with your interpretations, I'm not going to respond to your remarks here. I will leave it to the readers to decide. It's for this reason I always add links to the relevant Scriptures in my blogs. I might be flawed in my writing - but the Word of God is not.

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