The truth about SEX (Every unmarried Christian should know)

Queen in Gold

The truth about SEX (Every unmarried Christian should know)

6/27/2018

This is not your typical church-girl topic, but that’s exactly the problem. I’ve been meaning to write this ages ago, but honestly; I was a little afraid. Many of you know that I myself am an unmarried Christian girl – so what qualifies me to write this article? Plenty of grace: grace, grace, grace.... And that’s about it.

So why write it now? I’ve seen too many young people fall for lies about sex. I honestly believe the reason many people fall into sexual sin is because it’s not something we talk about openly and honestly enough. When I started Queen in Gold the dream was to answer questions everyone asks, but no one seems to answer. It’s time to start sharing the truth again, friends.

God’s divine plan for sex

It was His idea

God is the Creator of all things (Genesis 1-2). He created man as the crown of creation (Genesis 1:26-31; Psalm 8:4-5). Having created man, He obviously also created us with the ability to have sex. Ability is almost not the right word – it’s actually more like an obligation. It’s the only way in which we can naturally reproduce. Without intercourse humanity would’ve died out right after Adam and Eve.

God, however, commanded them to multiply (Genesis 1:28). Yip, He pretty much commanded them to have sex. He must have thought it was pretty important if He let the entire future of humanity depend on it.

He created you as a sexual being. He created sex, however, to be holy.

"He must have thought it was pretty important if He let the entire future of humanity depend on it."

Holy ground

The definition of holy or sacred is to be set apart.

First of all God is holy. This is the very reason we are in need of the blood of Christ. God is so holy; we would die if we had to enter His presence covered with sin. But because of Jesus our sins have been washed away. We are made righteous, covered in the blood of Christ. Because of His sacrifice we can be in a relationship with God and through His Spirit He enables us to live up to the Godly standard He intended for us (Romans 3:23-26; 2 Corinthians 5:20-21).

“But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” – 1 Peter 1:15-16

We are called to be holy in every area of our lives. This includes our sexuality. God’s intention for it had always been marriage. The very reason for its holiness is because God has set it apart for marriage.

Why marriage though?

"But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” - Mark 10:6-8

God intended marriage to be between one husband and one wife and intercourse as an intimacy to be shared only between them. This intimacy forms a soul tie between a husband and wife, making them “one flesh.” Outside of marriage, soul ties can be destructive. Within marriage, however, it creates a Godly unity.

The covenant

In Ephesians 5:32, Paul describes the union between husband and wife as a “profound mystery” pointing to the relationship between Christ and His Bride, the Church. Whenever a biblical covenant is made it always gets sealed with blood. Think back to God’s covenant with Abraham (Genesis 17:10-11), or the covenant between Christ and His church.

When a virgin bride sleeps with her husband for the first time, she bleeds; sealing their new marriage covenant with blood. I remember hearing this for the first time – I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Okay, I still do!

Choosing to wait is honoring God with your sexuality. It’s inviting God to be part of your marriage union; enabling Him to join you together with your future husband so that you can’t be separated (Mark 10:8-9).

This is why you should wait – God intends for your marriage to be filled with pure and holy love (Hebrews 13:4; Proverbs 5:15-19).

"God intends for your marriage to be filled with pure and holy love."

The goodness of God

I read this great article on Beggar’s Daughter (True Love Does Not Wait: Are You Waiting for all the Wrong Reasons?), where Jessica claims that she waits because God is good and not because sex is good. And did this challenge me?

Yeah, sex is good, God designed it that way. At this point of the article I really hope you got that.

But God is good and pursuing purity glorifies Him. That in itself should be enough reason to wait.

Perhaps you’re a little bit annoyed with not being able to have part in this glorious God-designed sex yet. Remember that in your waiting you are bringing glory to God. Yes, you’re honoring your future husband, but in the end it’s all about honoring Jesus.

"God is good and pursuing purity glorifies Him."

What if you’re not a virgin anymore?

He loves you – even if you knew better!

Scroll back up and read the first paragraph under “Holy ground.”

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”– 1 John 1:9

Jesus died for your sin. His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). You’re sins have been completely washed away.

There’s so much to say and at some point I should write an article about this. For now, I would really recommend you find a Christian mentor you can trust to talk to and pray with (James 5:16).

Also read:

If God is journeying with you on purity – have a look at these Scriptures:

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” – Ephesians 5:3

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies.”– 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Go have a look at Jessica’s blog: Beggar’s daughter. She gives beautiful, Biblical insight into sex, singleness, and pornography.

You might also like:

Christian dating 101

An open letter to the girl in a toxic relationship

3 Reasons you're still single

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Deon

6/27/2018 02:58:57 pm

Awesome blog!!

Ben

6/28/2018 05:02:03 pm

Curious how when a penis pierces a hymen the blood is a symbol of a covenant, but when it is a result of menstruation "...the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening." (Leviticus 15:19)

I know you have good intentions with this blog Riani, but ask yourself, how do you know whether any of the texts you cite are the word of god? If you were born in India, would you be writing the same content about the wise words of Krishna, or in Iran, about the pious teachings of Muhammad?

"If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her." (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)

"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am." (1 Corinthians 7:7-9)

The Bible can be cherry-picked either way. Here is my challenge to you - try to read this article from a secular point of view. If it doesn't horrify you, I'd hazard to say you are doing it wrong.

Nelissimo

7/11/2018 07:50:37 am

Crunchy article! Now @Ben, here is my challenge to you: Try to explain why the "secular point of view" should be the absolute standard, the ultimate voice of reason? Loving your enemy or laying down your life for someone also doesn't make sense from a "secular point of view"?

7/20/2018 02:22:51 pm

Nelissimo, I didn't claim that the secular view is a standard of any kind. The point I'm trying to make is that reading this from an outsider perspective, i.e. someone who was not brought up believing Christian doctrine, puts it in a completely different light.

Loving your enemy of self-sacrifice can make sense in terms of various worldviews, many of which are not based on any kind of theism. For example, various philosophies that pre-date Christianity incorporated some variation of the Golden Rule. Someone can also view those actions as necessary and "good" on a utilitarian or humanist basis.

Riani

7/13/2018 09:55:55 am

Dear Ben

Thank you so much for your comment. By the looks of your detailed reaction, the article must have impacted you in some way or another.

I would just like to clarify that the reason I am a Christian and believe the Bible to be the Word of God and the ultimate Truth – is not because I grew up in a Christian home. By grace I believe, because of the power of God I’ve seen working in my own life as well as in the lives of those around me. I’ve also seen God put the pieces of the Bible together like a puzzle – then it all makes sense! It’s so cool! Unfortunately, there’s no way I can explain this to you – I’m just not smart enough and this is simply a blog comment and not some thesis on why the Bible is the truth. I hope that someday He will reveal this to you too.

Perhaps the article sounds horrific from a secular perspective – just keep in mind that Queen in Gold is not a secular blog, but a Christian one. This blog is entirely to glorify Jesus Christ as King and Saviour.

Blessings
Riani

7/20/2018 02:47:35 pm

Thanks for the response Riani.

I understand that if Christianity, or at least the flavour of Christianity you believe in and your interpretations of scripture are true, writing this article is a moral thing to do. I also understand that you are convinced that it true. My question is, how can you be so sure that it IS true?

Is it possible for a Muslim in Southern Sudan to see Allah working in their life, revealing the truth of the Quran through his grace, and for that person to write a blog similar to this, expounding the virtues of female genital mutilation, fully convinced that the message is in service to greater good?

I do not want to necessarily change your beliefs, but I am convinced that our society is best served by the truth. I think the views expressed here can easily cause a young Christian to develop a negative view of their sexuality, to want to rush into marriage for the wrong reasons, to stick in an unhappy marriage or to feel ashamed or fearful because they might have engaged in premarital sex.

I appreciate that I am able to engage with you on the blog and that you took the time to reply. I think that discussion and understanding should always be striven for, no matter the differences in people's worldviews.

If you are open to it, I would love to have an open discussion with you via email or direct messages. Let me know if you are interested and I'll contact you via your Facebook page.

Sincerely,

Ben

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