Queen in Gold - Blog

Why I stopped using hormonal birth control - and you should probably too

Sat, 08 Mar 2025 11:13:18 GMT

I'm no medical expert, but because I am convinced this is a necessary discussion, here we are.

I can’t give you all the facts about all the hormones and what they do to your body, but I can share my story. I hope to get you thinking, praying, and asking questions.

What I knew about birth control

Charl and I met in July 2020 and married only 8 months and 2 weeks later. It was COVID, those were different times. The point is that we had a very short, 2-month engagement. Many big decisions needed to be made, including what we would do regarding birth control.

I previously heard that certain types of birth control could prevent the implantation of an already fertilized egg. Now I must confess: I had a very vague idea of how conception and even my own cycle worked. But even if I didn't completely understand it, nor have the vocabulary to explain it, the idea of telling my body to “let go” of an egg after it had already been fertilized; didn't seem morally right.

Apart from that, I heard a few stories about the pill causing depression, a wacky cycle, a low libido, or in the long term, cancer.

That's it. That is pretty much what I knew about birth control up to that point.

"... I had a very vague idea of how conception and even my own cycle worked..."

What to use?

Charl and I read an article or two that listed the pros and cons of different birth control methods. It was confusing. We didn't feel ready to have a baby immediately, but none of the methods on the list seemed like the “perfect fit” for us.

My mother managed to get me a last-minute appointment with her gynecologist.

During this appointment, I mentioned my 2 major concerns to her:

We didn’t want to use something that would prevent implantation.
I was concerned about something that would cause me to become depressed.

Then, she proceeded to explain different methods to me.

The most natural method on her list was the calendar method. This means using your monthly cycle to predict when you are most likely fertile and then abstaining from unprotected intercourse during that time. Most apps women use to log and predict periods mark this “fertile time" for us. She wrote it off as very unreliable, especially because my cycle isn’t always regular.

I have to agree with her, predicting your fertility based on the day of your cycle, is probably not that accurate. Statistically, the calendar method (also called the rhythm method) has a success rate of 75-92%. In comparison, "the pill" has a 93-99% success rate.

The gynecologist failed to mention, however, that looking at the calendar, is not the only way to predict fertility.

Then she asked me a few questions about my family history and prescribed a birth control pill. I asked her if there was a chance I would get depressed on the pill. She assured me I wouldn't.

The package leaflet said there was.

Life on the pill

I ended up being on the pill for about 6 or 7 months.

I'd be lying if I said there were no pros:

I didn't get pregnant (That's kind of the point, neh?)
I had a very predictable cycle.
It was even possible to manipulate my cycle to not be on my period during our honeymoon.
I had shorter and lighter periods than usual.

It took a while to realize how emotionally unstable it made me feel. I kept blaming my unstable emotions on all the other changes happening in my life; getting married to this guy I barely knew, moving in with him (obviously), joining a different church, starting a new job, and doing all of it in the middle of COVID.

"...I wasn’t myself anymore and became desperate to find another way..."

I realized I was in a cycle of feeling either down and depressed, or sometimes just a bit numb. I wasn’t myself anymore and became desperate to find another way.

Then I Google searched something like “natural ways to prevent pregnancy.”

Fertility Awareness

As I mentioned, looking at the calendar is not the only way to predict fertility. It's also possible through tracking things like basal body temperature and cervical mucus. When using a combined version of these things they can have a success rate of 86-96%

Here’s something important you need to know about birth control methods and their effectiveness:

The more room there is for human error, the less effective they are.

When you get an implant or IUD, you don’t need to think about it again. There’s a pretty good chance you won’t get pregnant. When you need to remember to drink a pill every day, there’s a higher chance of getting pregnant. Fertility awareness methods require a daily commitment to tracking fertility and either abstaining from intercourse or applying a barrier method on unsure or fertile days.

Why is this relevant?

If you’re serious about not falling pregnant, you’re more likely to succeed. If you’re open to the possibility of a baby, you’ll be less serious about making this method work. Trust me – I know.

Trusting God

Do you know what I really dislike about birth control?

The word “control.”

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” – Proverbs 16:9

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” – Psalm 139:13

The scariest thing about going off the pill was the possibility of getting pregnant before I felt ready. But God was inviting me to trust Him. Children are a reward and a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127:3). One of the prominent reasons He created marriage and sexual union is for procreation (Gen 1:27-28). Can we confess His Word as truth, but hold this area so firmly within our own "control?"

"...I'm just not sure if having a sense of control is worth putting something potentially harmful in your body..?"

I’m not saying applying wisdom and using a form of birth control is wrong (please read Counter-cultural Motherhood Part 2 for more on this topic). I'm just not sure if having a sense of control is worth putting something potentially harmful in your body?

I stopped using hormonal birth control – you should probably too!!

While writing this post, I did some more research, especially about the combination pill I used.

The pill contains hormones that prevent ovulation by telling your body you’ve already ovulated. It basically “tricks” your body by giving it similar hormones to what would naturally be present after ovulation. This seemed ethically okay...

The thing is; if your body isn’t producing hormones according to your natural cycle, it’s not preparing for a pregnancy. If by some small chance, you happen to ovulate and that egg happens to get fertilized, there's a chance the egg won’t be able to implant.

In a natural cycle, your uterus lining thickens for a fertilized egg to be implanted, but sheds when there is no pregnancy (aka menstruation). Due to the way the pill works, it thins the uterus lining over time. The pill is actually sometimes prescribed for women with a thick uterus lining to ease heavy and painful periods.

I wrote about how Charl and I didn't want to use a form of birth control that would prevent implantation. One could argue that it’s not what the pill was designed to do, BUT there’s a chance it could.

I didn’t know that then, but I do now. I think it's important that you do too.

Your body is not your own

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

In context, this verse addresses sexual immorality. It teaches that we should honor God with our sexual conduct. There’s no denying the relation between sexual conduct and procreation, but I believe the principle is viewing your body as God’s property – His dwelling place – honoring Him with everything you do.

A little bit further on, Paul writes about avoiding idolatry:

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive... So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:23,31

And that’s what I’d like to leave you with:

Whatever your choices are regarding birth control – do it all for the glory of God.

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Counter-cultural motherhood (Part 2)

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 10:48:34 GMT

Before saying anything else; I'd strongly recommend reading "Counter-cultural motherhood (Part 1)" before diving into Part 2.

We're going to talk about family planning, multiplying, and having babies, but NOT because I’m trying to convince anyone to have [more] babies. I hope to take a look at how the modern world views having children and place it in light of what the Bible teaches.

Then we can ask:

How much of our thinking is formed by the world we live in?
How can we align our thinking and decisions with Scripture?

I won't attempt to answer these for you. Charl and I are still working through it for ourselves. But my prayer is that God will guide our thinking and lead us in righteousness (Psalm 23:3).

The world we live in

“If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you” –John 15:19

I’m no expert on fertility statistics, but here’s what I managed to find on the internet.

The birth control pill came into being around 1960, and since we’ve seen a rapid decline in what’s considered a “normal” family size. The average amount of children born to a South African woman in 1960 was 6.02. In 2021 this rate had dropped to a mere 2.4. Worldwide the fertility rate was 4.7 children per woman in 1960, declining to 2.3 in 2021.

Here’s some of my non-expert speculation as to why this drop occurred:

Availability of accurate contraceptives (obviously)
Financial pressure and living costs
People getting married later in life or not at all
Women pursuing careers or studies
Increasing divorce rates
Legalised abortions
Smaller families simply being the norm people aspire to
Invention and availability of the television, computers, internet, and cell phone (for various reasons - just give it some thought)

Family planning isn't a totally new concept in our modern age. There were ancient methods (and a few dangerous myths) for preventing pregnancy. We even read about something like the “withdrawal method” in the Bible (Gen 38:9).

But in our current culture, it is more common for a sexually active woman to use a form of birth control than not to (Unless she’s trying to get pregnant, of course). Children used to be a natural cause of married life; today they’ve become a choice.

I'm not saying it's wrong to decide when and how many children to have. There are numerous methods for family planning these days - perhaps we live in a time when we get to practice wisdom in this area. We might give ourselves time to grow in maturity or in unity with our spouse. We might consider our financial or emotional capacity when deciding on a family size. Perhaps having a baby would be dangerous to your own health.

What I am saying is that we cannot simply conform to the patterns of this world without giving it a second thought (Romans 12:2). We need to ask the Lord to renew our minds and seek His truth about having children. We need to put aside our own understanding and submit our plans to the One we call Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6).

What does the Bible say about children?

Multiply!!

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” –Genesis 1:28

The Beginning. That seems like a good place to start.

Most of us are familiar with this verse, but there are two things I'd like to point out. Firstly, this was the very first thing God spoke to mankind. Right after speaking the entire creation into being, God speaks to man, and the first thing He says is: "Be fruitful and multiply."

I have heard sermons about this being an instruction to raise spiritual children, and I've heard sermons saying we're supposed to have at least 4 biological children to multiply and not just replace. I’m not going to go into any of that. All I'm saying is that if this is the first thing God said to mankind, we should probably take note.

The second thing I’d like to point out is the very first sentence of that verse. “And God blessed them.”

“Be fruitful and multiply...” is a blessing. In Counter-cultural motherhood (Part 1) we discussed Psalm 127, describing children as a reward and blessing.

Scripture echoes this:

“Then God blessed Noah and his sons and told them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth.” –Genesis 9:1

“Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord.” –Psalm 128:1-4

Now what?

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” –Proverbs 22:6

It turns out we're not just called to have babies; change diapers and feed them until they're old enough to take care of themselves. We're called to raise Christ-followers. God doesn't just bless us with children; He gives us a spiritual responsibility to raise them in His ways.

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” –Deuteronomy 6:6-7

There’s so much more to say on the topic of raising children well and the home being the ideal discipleship environment, but that’s a different blog post and something I’m still learning.

The Kingdom of heaven

“Jesus said: ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” -Matthew 19:14

It takes a special level of concentration to follow the sermon from our church's parent room. A typical Sunday morning includes crying babies, smelly diapers, grabbing toys, throwing things; animal sounds, banging things, sleep-deprived parents, and the pastor delivering a message somewhere in the background.

I often find myself giggling at this scene. The children in the parents-room don’t care for the soft pad, airy worship moment on the TV screen. It reminds me of when the disciples wanted to get the kids away from Jesus. They probably saw the children as a BIG distraction. According to them, Jesus had much more important things to do than to pause and spend some time with kids.

But Jesus did. He paused. He took them in His arms and blessed them. I think sometimes we “over-spiritualize” our idea of the Kingdom of heaven. Children don’t.

Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.” –Psalm 8:2

So let’s pause

I’d like to end us off by re-asking the two questions I asked right at the beginning:

How much of our thinking (about having and raising children) is formed by the world we live in?
How can we align our thinking and decisions with Scripture?

Having children requires sacrificing your own desires and dying to yourself – which is exactly what we’ve been called to do (John 12:24-26). We’re not supposed to go through life seeking our own needs and desires. We’re called to seek His Kingdom.

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” –Matthew 6:31-33

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Counter-cultural motherhood (Part 1)

Sat, 06 Jan 2024 18:47:43 GMT

It's official: we survived our first year (and a bit) as a family of three. It's been one of the toughest years of my life. I want to start by saying that because there’s no point in writing this post if we're going to sugarcoat reality.

Especially as a new mom, I’ve often come across a very negative view of children:

"It’s a trap! Children take up all your time and energy. They’re a financial burden. They will ruin your marriage and steal your freedom and happiness.”

The truth is: that parenting IS hard. But I don’t think that should be our conclusion to every conversation and thought relating to our children -especially as believers.

I've noticed how easily I fall into self-pity when thoughts like "this is hard" consume my mind. Our challenges can drown us if we don't look past them to our Saviour.

So what’s the Biblical view on having children:

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” – Psalm 127:3-5

Scripture describes children as a blessing; the world often describes them as a burden.

As believers (in the Word of God), are we adding to the narrative of negativity, or are we living and speaking Biblical truth?

Biblical truth

Let’s go back to Psalm 127.

“Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.” – Psalm 127:4 (NIV)

This imagery suggests power and responsibility. Children aren’t flowers in the hands of a fair maiden - they're arrows in the hands of a warrior.

Arrows, like any other weapon in war, are an advantage when handled responsibly. Going to war requires skill and a whole lot of bravery. It's no easy task, and neither is parenting.

We miss this (or I did, at least). God doesn’t promise us easy and comfortable.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

Blessing

We often relate the word “blessing” with luxury and comfort. We call ourselves “blessed” when things work out how we hoped or planned.

Jesus challenges this:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit...
Blessed are those who mourn...
Blessed are the meek...
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness...
Blessed are the merciful...
Blessed are the pure in heart...
Blessed are the peacemakers...
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness...”
- Matthew 5:3-10

“Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven...” – Matthew 5:12

True blessing is eternal.

So children bring suffering and hardship - just hang in there; your reward is in heaven! – Uh no, that’s not quite what I’m trying to say.

Our sweet baby girl brings joy into our home. She teaches us to laugh and get excited about small things. She steals hearts with her spontaneous smile and gives the best hugs and kisses. But being responsible for her isn’t always easy. It exposes selfishness and triggers all the wounds I didn’t know I had. It helps me grow and become holy – one untimely diaper at a time.

A manicure or holiness?

A few months ago, I started listening to a Podcast called M is for Mama. On the first podcast I came across she asked the question: “What do we want more: a manicure or holiness?”

Manicures aren’t the opposite of holiness. As a Christian woman, you’re allowed to get a manicure – or a flat white or fresh flowers or anything else that fills your cup. But when we start to look for peace, security, or strength in earthly things – we’re missing out on all God is.

During that time I had a morning to fill my cup and run a few errands while my mom took care of Hanani. Still adapting to motherhood; I was rocking the mom-bun and mascara = wearing make-up look. I saw a woman leisurely strolling through a clothing store. It was a Wednesday morning. She had perfect hair and was wearing something luxurious you wouldn't sit on the grass with. I didn't see her up close but assumed she'd have a manicure and smell really good. I assumed she was married to a man with a big income and browsing clothing stores was her usual pass-time on a Wednesday morning.

Then God interrupted me mid-comparison: “What do you want more: a manicure or holiness?”

Was I seeking earthly comforts or treasures in heaven?

The next moment He gave me a vision of myself dressed in white – The Wedding Day (Rev 19:7). My eyes filled with tears.

When He looks at me – a mom with messy hair; trying to lay her life down for the Kingdom – He sees His Bride. He sees beautiful. He even sees a manicure (maybe).

The mother of Jesus

When the angel Gabriel appears to Mary, he addresses her saying:

“Greetings, you who are highly favoured! The Lord is with you.”
– Luke 1:28

He goes on to say:

“Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favour with God.”
– Luke 1:30

Mary was highly favoured. She was blessed; hand-picked to mother the Messiah - to know and experience Him in a way no one else did. But this was no simple task. The hardship and suffering she would need to endure would be like a sword piercing her soul (Luke 2:35).

But Gabriel didn’t just call Mary “highly favoured,” he also said:

“...The Lord is with you.” – Luke 1:28

He is with you

This reminds me of the beautiful promise in Isaiah that many of my mom-friends seem to hold on to:

“He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young.” – Isaiah 40:11

God doesn’t promise life to be easy and convenient, He promises to be with us.

“...He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...” – Psalm 23:3-4

Psalm 23 starts with David writing about God; until he has to go through the valley. Then something happens and we see the rest of the psalm addressing God directly.

When we face valleys - in parenthood or any other area of life – they teach us our dependence on God. There’s no fruit to our works if we try and do it in our own strength (John 15:5).

When motherhood IS hard

We started this post by not denying that being a mom is challenging. I don't think Scripture does either, but it does call it a blessing.

You see, having the opportunity to rely on God’s strength when things get tough, is a blessing.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
– James 1:2-4

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Counter-cultural motherhood (Part 2)

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Be still

Fri, 26 May 2023 12:25:52 GMT

To be still is a choice, not enjoying a flat white and a Chelsea bun in the corner of a small café. It's not going for a walk next to the ocean. Being still is not waking up before everyone else to spend time in the Word.

Don’t get me wrong; these things lessen distraction and help us keep our eyes on Jesus. But true “stillness” is just that: keeping your eyes on Jesus.

I love the lyrics of this hymn:

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace.

Still in His presence

Our church gathers in a building on the corner of a busy street. So now and again someone races passed on their motorcycle in the middle of an airy worship moment.

The other day, as we were worshipping, singing about being quiet in His presence, road rage got the better of a driver who made it known on his car horn.

“This is ironic,” I thought.

But then I sensed the Lord say: “That’s the point. In the middle of everything going on in the world, you need to learn to be still.”

"Our awe for God should transcend every aspect of our lives – even the hard and difficult times"

Stillness isn’t to escape your current reality. It’s staying right there, but giving your worries and concerns back to God and stepping into His peace (Phil 4:6-7).

This entire mid-worship conversation between me and God was a good example of multi-tasking corporate worship and taking care of a baby. Even just that moment made it so relevant to where I’m at spiritually.

That following week my baby girl woke up early every morning – right when I sat down and opened my Bible to have "quiet time.” Every single day I got to practice what being quiet and still really look like. And you know what; it’s not easy. It’s not natural. It is a choice.

A very loud, very quiet coffee shop

Currently, I'm the only person in a coffee shop.

I was seeking some quiet. So I left Hanani (our beautiful little girl) with my dear husband and asked the Lord where would be a good writing spot. Then He took me on a 40-minute drive through the city. Which, to be honest, was a little frustrating.

If you read Wild & Adventurous (Part 2), you’ll know I sometimes play a GPS game with Holy Spirit to practice hearing His voice. Today it felt like I was out of practice. Driving one way and then, out of nowhere, changing direction again. But I ended up here and almost started crying when I grasped the significance.

The coffee shop just so happens to be next to a vibrant pub. The pub is completely packed. It’s so loud. It’s hard to describe, but there’s this constant drone of voices. I’m pretty sure that’s why the coffee shop is empty. Actually, I saw an older couple come to sit down only to almost immediately get up and leave.

But it makes sense that this is where God brought me. We are talking about finding stillness amidst the noise, after all.

Psalm 46

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” – Psalm 46:10

I’m a firm believer in taking a look at the broader context of a verse before applying it. Interestingly enough this “Be still” verse is preceded by a storm.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.” - Psalm 46:1-3

Where the earth gives way, the mountains move, and the waters roar - that’s where we must be still and know that He is God.
The words “Be still” can also be translated to relax; slacken or be without anxiety. Some commentaries suggest it refers to being in awe of God. Within context, this is certainly not referring to reading your Bible somewhere peacefully on a mountaintop. Our awe for God should transcend every aspect of our lives – even the hard and difficult times.

Elijah

Hanani and I recently listened to a children’s song about Elijah and the time God sent a drought because of Ahab’s sin. The song ends where it says how happy Elijah was when it rained again after three years. I felt obligated to tell her the real story:

This was one of the biggest victories in Elijah’s prophetic career (1 Kings 17-19). They just proved that YHWH is the true God and defeated 450 Baal prophets. God answered his prayer and sent rain after a three-year drought. But instead of being happy, as the song says; Elijah was afraid because of a death threat he received from Ahab’s wife, Jezebel. He fled to the desert and wished he could die.

When we truly fear God, then we know no fear for the world

Apart from receiving a death threat and slaying 450 prophets; I completely relate with Elijah. I often forget the way God has shown His faithfulness and choose to focus on the noise instead. Just after stepping out bravely in obedience and seeing God come through; Elijah lends his ear to the enemy who fills him with fear. When we truly fear God, then we know no fear for the world (Proverbs 14:26-27, Psalm 34:7-9, Romans 8:31)

So what does God do? He takes Elijah up a mountain and asks him to seek Him. (1 Kings 19:1-18)

Then a powerful wind came, tearing the mountains apart; but God wasn’t in the wind.

Then an earthquake came, but God wasn’t in the earthquake.

Then a fire came, but God wasn’t in the fire.

Finally, God spoke - in a gentle whisper.

Elijah had to wait through the wind, the earthquake, and the fire, and only then God revealed Himself in the stillness. Sometimes we need to keep standing when it gets rough. We need to keep seeking the Father until He reveals Himself.

“... Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.” - Psalm 46:1-3

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” – Psalm 46:10

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If it's not for the Kingdom - then what's it for? (Part 2)

When at His feet...

Hiking, marriage, and choosing a partner

Sun, 31 Oct 2021 15:48:43 GMT

Charl and I have been married for 7 months now. This certainly doesn’t make me an expert, but somehow I feel obliged to start writing posts on marriage now.

I once heard someone say that marriage is hard work, even if you marry the right person.

My non-expert opinion is that this is true.

Every time things get “hard work”; I’m thankful to be married to someone who loves Jesus and seeks to honor Him. I’m thankful for the fruit of the Spirit in his life (Galatians 5:22-23). I’m thankful for someone who says “let’s pray” when we have an argument. I’m thankful for someone who knows what accountability looks like and lets others speak into his life. I’m thankful for the partner I chose to do life with.

Even if your husband is a committed God-fearing man, it would be unrealistic to expect every part of life with him to be a sunset stroll on the beach. These last 7 months have been a huge blessing, but definitely not a walk in the park.

Perhaps a better analogy would be to say being married is like going on a hike.

Preparing for a hike

You don’t just wake up one morning and decide to go on a 5-day hike. You prepare. You talk to others who’ve walked a trail before you and ask for tips. You consider every gram you put inside your backpack. You get fit.

If anything; you prepare yourself mentally: There will be no comfortable luxury accommodation. The weather might not be your friend. There will be mountains and you will need to climb them. Your body will ache. You will need to persevere.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4

Why do people hike?

Still, there’s a beautiful excitement as you start off on a new adventure. If hiking was ONLY difficult; not a lot of people would sign up for the challenge.

People go hiking for the magnificent views; mountain pools and hidden waterfalls. They do it for the fresh air, wildflowers, and star-filled skies. They enjoy the companionship and deep conversations along the way. They’re in it for the sense of accomplishment they feel after every mountain climbed.

“Who is this that appears like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, majestic as the stars in procession?”
– Song of Solomon 6:10

Where to?

Whether you’re on a 5km or 5-day hike; there will be some confusion about the route you’re on. Hikers might have different opinions about whether you’re supposed to turn off left or keep going straight.

You will need to stop and have a conversation; perhaps take out the map. Explain the reasoning behind your sense of direction and eventually; you will have to make a decision.

You can’t split up if you don’t agree. You’ve made a commitment to come on this hike and you have a responsibility to look out for your partner.

Also, if you end up walking in the wrong direction, you will need to face the consequences as a team.

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
– Romans 15:5-6

Unpacked

Somewhere along the way, you’ll become especially aware of the weight you’re carrying. You might start to classify some of this weight as unnecessary baggage and experience some regret for bringing it along. This can even be a little embarrassing to admit to fellow hikers.

At the same time, you might be the one who’s shocked at what they're pulling out of their backpack.

Remember to make use of waste bins, when provided at the overnight huts. It might not feel like much, but this is a start to making the burden a bit lighter. There’s no use in carrying around empty cans and wrappers.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...” – Hebrews 12:1

Step of faith

If you’ve mentally prepared yourself for a little climbing, you might not be too surprised at the first or second climb. But by the third, or fourth, or fifth; you’ll realize you have no idea what the path ahead looks like. You don’t know what mountains you’ll have to go over. You’ll have to be brave and walk in faith.

This is one of the beauties of hiking: You’re surrounded by the magnificence of Father’s creation. You are constantly being reminded of One who is all powerful and you can choose to lean and depend on His strength and not your own. You can choose to open your eyes, experience His love and see what He has in store for you.

“But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.” – Job 12:7-10

“In His hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him. The sea is His, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land.” – Psalm 95:4-5

“The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love.” – Psalm 33:5

The purpose of marriage

I hope I didn’t lose you somewhere along the way and that you’re still following this crazy “marriage is like hiking” metaphor.

In Ephesians 5 Paul reminds us that marriage has a heavenly purpose. He speaks of how wives ought to submit to their husbands as they would to Christ, and husbands ought to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Most certainly this is not the only purpose for marriage, but I happen to believe this is the most important. Christian marriages are supposed to point the world around us to Christ.

When people look at the way Charl and I love each other; they need to see Jesus.

Herein lies a beauty; the fact that Christ is integrated into our marriage is what makes it stronger.

“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him-a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

Choosing the right partner

Before I end off; I’d like to take a moment to speak specifically to the single readers.

Taking this into account - the fact that marriage isn’t always easy and that it has a Kingdom purpose. I want to remind you of the quote I shared in the beginning:

“Marriage is hard work, even if you marry the right person.”

A hiking trip could be tough, even if your fellow hikers are motivators who will be there to assist you if you fall and sprain your ankle. Marriage is going to have challenges; even if you marry an encouraging person who builds you up.

Imagine going hiking with someone who can’t stop complaining and eventually convinces you to carry their backpack for them. Imagine marrying someone like that.

The Bible warns us when going into a partnership with others:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14

Let’s be real. No one is perfect. Your future spouse will have flaws and as you walk through the different challenges of life together, you will be there to experience these flaws first-hand. At the same time; they will be there to experience your imperfections.

No marriage partner is going to be a perfect choice, but some will drag you down, while others build you up. Some will convince you to follow the world, while others point you towards Christ.

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked, or stand in the way that sinners take, or sit in the company of mockers” - Psalm 1:1

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