Hiking, marriage, and choosing a partner

Charl and I have been married for 7 months now. This certainly doesn’t make me an expert, but somehow I feel obliged to start writing posts on marriage now. 

I once heard someone say that marriage is hard work, even if you marry the right person. 
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My non-expert opinion is that this is true. 

​Every time things get “hard work”; I’m thankful to be married to someone who loves Jesus and seeks to honor Him. I’m thankful for the fruit of the Spirit in his life (Galatians 5:22-23). I’m thankful for someone who says “let’s pray” when we have an argument. I’m thankful for someone who knows what accountability looks like and lets others speak into his life. I’m thankful for the partner I chose to do life with. 

Even if your husband is a committed God-fearing man, it would be unrealistic to expect every part of life with him to be a sunset stroll on the beach. These last 7 months have been a huge blessing, but definitely not a walk in the park. 
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Perhaps a better analogy would be to say being married is like going on a hike.
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Preparing for a hike

You don’t just wake up one morning and decide to go on a 5-day hike. You prepare. You talk to others who’ve walked a trail before you and ask for tips. You consider every gram you put inside your backpack. You get fit. 
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If anything; you prepare yourself mentally: There will be no comfortable luxury accommodation. The weather might not be your friend. There will be mountains and you will need to climb them. Your body will ache. You will need to persevere.
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 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4

​Why do people hike?

Still, there’s a beautiful excitement as you start off on a new adventure. If hiking was ONLY difficult; not a lot of people would sign up for the challenge. 
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People go hiking for the magnificent views; mountain pools and hidden waterfalls. They do it for the fresh air, wildflowers, and star-filled skies. They enjoy the companionship and deep conversations along the way. They’re in it for the sense of accomplishment they feel after every mountain climbed. 
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“Who is this that appears like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, majestic as the stars in procession?”
​– Song of Solomon 6:10

Where to?

Whether you’re on a 5km or 5-day hike; there will be some confusion about the route you’re on. Hikers might have different opinions about whether you’re supposed to turn off left or keep going straight. 

You will need to stop and have a conversation; perhaps take out the map. Explain the reasoning behind your sense of direction and eventually; you will have to make a decision. 

You can’t split up if you don’t agree. You’ve made a commitment to come on this hike and you have a responsibility to look out for your partner. 
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Also, if you end up walking in the wrong direction, you will need to face the consequences as a team.
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“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
​– Romans 15:5-6

Unpacked

Somewhere along the way, you’ll become especially aware of the weight you’re carrying. You might start to classify some of this weight as unnecessary baggage and experience some regret for bringing it along. This can even be a little embarrassing to admit to fellow hikers. 

At the same time, you might be the one who’s shocked at what they're pulling out of their backpack. 
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Remember to make use of waste bins, when provided at the overnight huts. It might not feel like much, but this is a start to making the burden a bit lighter. There’s no use in carrying around empty cans and wrappers.
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“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...” – Hebrews 12:1

​Step of faith

If you’ve mentally prepared yourself for a little climbing, you might not be too surprised at the first or second climb. But by the third, or fourth, or fifth; you’ll realize you have no idea what the path ahead looks like. You don’t know what mountains you’ll have to go over. You’ll have to be brave and walk in faith.
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This is one of the beauties of hiking: You’re surrounded by the magnificence of Father’s creation. You are constantly being reminded of One who is all powerful and you can choose to lean and depend on His strength and not your own. You can choose to open your eyes, experience His love and see what He has in store for you.

“But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.” – Job 12:7-10
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“In His hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him. The sea is His, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land.” – Psalm 95:4-5
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“The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love.” – Psalm 33:5
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​The purpose of marriage

I hope I didn’t lose you somewhere along the way and that you’re still following this crazy “marriage is like hiking” metaphor.

In Ephesians 5 Paul reminds us that marriage has a heavenly purpose. He speaks of how wives ought to submit to their husbands as they would to Christ, and husbands ought to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Most certainly this is not the only purpose for marriage, but I happen to believe this is the most important. Christian marriages are supposed to point the world around us to Christ. 

When people look at the way Charl and I love each other; they need to see Jesus.
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Herein lies a beauty; the fact that Christ is integrated into our marriage is what makes it stronger. 
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“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him-a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

Choosing the right partner

Before I end off; I’d like to take a moment to speak specifically to the single readers.
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Taking this into account - the fact that marriage isn’t always easy and that it has a Kingdom purpose. I want to remind you of the quote I shared in the beginning:

“Marriage is hard work, even if you marry the right person.”

​A hiking trip could be tough, even if your fellow hikers are motivators who will be there to assist you if you fall and sprain your ankle. Marriage is going to have challenges; even if you marry an encouraging person who builds you up. 

Imagine going hiking with someone who can’t stop complaining and eventually convinces you to carry their backpack for them. Imagine marrying someone like that. 
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The Bible warns us when going into a partnership with others:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14 

Let’s be real. No one is perfect. Your future spouse will have flaws and as you walk through the different challenges of life together, you will be there to experience these flaws first-hand. At the same time; they will be there to experience your imperfections. 
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No marriage partner is going to be a perfect choice, but some will drag you down, while others build you up. Some will convince you to follow the world, while others point you towards Christ.
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“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked, or stand in the way that sinners take, or sit in the company of mockers” - Psalm 1:1
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